Having a new baby is a unique experience for every person who becomes a parent. The experience depends upon the circumstances of the parent – the health of the parent’s mind, body, and spirit.
As a couple without children, both people have a more relaxed routine in place where there is room for flexibility in sleep hours, time spent on leisure activities, such as gaming, scrolling, night out with friends, recreational smoking, to name a few. They also have more time and energy to experience undisturbed intimacy.
Then a new baby arrives and things change.
In many cultures the expectation of the baby’s wellbeing rests solely upon the mother. She tends to the feeding, nappy changing, bathing, sleep routine, and managing times where the baby is unsettled, including the baby’s incessant crying.
Similarly, in these same cultures, the father’s responsibilities are to work extra hours to provide a better financial stability for the growing needs of his family.
When one or both parents feel exhausted in their daily battle to fit this culturally conditioned paradigm, their relationship as a couple begins to crumble.
The internal battle and mental and emotional exhaustion begin to display as arguments, angry outbursts, silent treatment, and in some cases even physical violence.
Once this happens, the wellbeing of the baby is significantly impacted in that the tiny human begins to absorb the energy emitted from the negative thoughts, words, and actions of the two people who are supposed to be a safe and trust-filled haven for the bub.
If both parents are not on the same page about how they want to participate in the conception of the baby, the different stages of the pregnancy, the delivery of the baby, and the varying routines of the new baby’s first few months, there is a higher risk of Post Partum Depression (PPD) for the mother and Paternal Post Partum Depression (PPPD) for the father.
Helpful strategies for transitioning to parenthood
Pre-conception
- When planning the pregnancy, ensure that this planning starts with Allah’s name and ends with du’a.
- Recite or listen to the Quran recitation when taking required supplements and medication.
- During times of intimacy, ensure there is kindness, gentleness, and gratitude.
- Sit together and work out a realistic and practical financial budget for the next three years.
During pregnancy
- Help each other with household chores
- Contact reliable family members and friends who can become a support system for the next two years as you navigate parenthood. There is nothing wrong with asking for help
- Pray extra voluntary prayers pre and post all hospital appointments and check-ups.
Arrival of the baby
- Get help from family and friends
- Sleep without guilt and trust Allah that your spouse or helpful family/friend is there for the baby while you sleep
- Once a day at least, give your spouse a long hug and say “Thank you”
- Breathe first, then speak with kindness.
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