Self-reflection: Being gentle with self-judgment

Self-reflection is a necessary practice for spiritual growth. Being gentle with ourselves during the self-realisations that emerge from this process of self-reflection is just as important as holding ourselves accountable for what we aspire to become – a better version of ourselves.

It is not always easy to be gentle and kind in how we judge and criticise ourselves during the practice of self-reflection.

Often, the paradigm of criticisms that we have grown up with can play a huge part in our journey of self-transformation.

Perhaps the harsh criticisms one received during one’s childhood and adolescence become so loud in the mind that one forgets to recognise and remember that Allah’s mercy is more important than people’s criticisms, judgments, and harshness.

Our yearning to be better in our thoughts, words, and deeds must revolve around a yearning to see ourselves separate from other’s expectations of what our transformation should look like, and at what pace we evolve into being the better version of ourselves.

No one has the right to decide what your spiritual evolution and growth must look like – that’s only between you and Allah.

When you give your reigns of control to others you lose your autonomy and agency and that inherent power that Allah has blessed you with for your own unique journey of spiritual growth.

Reclaiming your right to seek spiritual evolution on your own terms and at your own pace is your responsibility. Outsourcing your spiritual growth to be someone else’s responsibility impedes this journey.

Seeking guidance from learned ones and spiritual mentors is a desirable goal but being mindful that your spiritual goals are your own, your life’s experiences (including your perception of trauma and triumphs) are your own.

Even if you come from a family of multiple siblings, your perception of your experiences whilst growing up in the same family is unique to you. Your parents, siblings, and your extended family will never know exactly what your mind and heart have held all these years.

And owning that uniqueness is what truly helps one connect with Allah, knowing that despite one’s familial connections and collective experiences, one is still individually accountable for one’s actions and one’s commitment to strive to be a better human being, a better Muslim.

Here are some reflective questions to ponder upon: