Letting go when you haven’t received an apology is true forgiveness. This Ramadan, let us try and understand the meaning of True Forgiveness and how to cultivate a daily forgiveness practice.

Holding a grudge stems from yearning for instant justice.

It is vital to remember that praying for justice is better than holding a grudge. Forgiveness helps you unburden and move on with life with absolute faith in Allah’s judgment day when only and only Allah will be the judge of all and provide justice to all.

Allah promises us justice in the Holy Quran:

We shall set up scales of justice for the Day of Judgment, so that not a soul will be dealt with unjustly in the least, and if there be (no more than) the weight of a mustard seed, We will bring it (to account): and enough are We to take account. (Quran 21:47)

True Forgiveness happens when you no longer blame a person or circumstance for how things are turning out in your life, and how you are responding to life.

True Forgiveness happens when you no longer need an apology because you have decided to have a new perspective of the situation – the perspective that lets you be free from carrying a grudge or resentment of any kind whatsoever.

Forgiveness does not mean you need to start having dinner parties with that person or start re-connecting. No.

Forgiveness is to not let their past behaviours affect your present life. Forgiveness gives you freedom. Forgiveness is for your benefit alone.

Steps to practise daily forgiveness

Think of the person who has hurt you, the person you need to forgive.

Now think of this person in a child form as if they were a little girl or little boy.

Now, in your mind, say to this child: “I forgive you; you did what you did because someone hurt you too. I forgive you.”

Now imagine this person back in the adult form and in your mind, say to him/her: “I forgive you. You have no power over me. Your words and your actions have no power over me. I release you from my mind. I forgive you. Allah guide you to the path of love and peace.”

Sometimes we feel guilty for something we have done, and we find it difficult to forgive ourselves. Try practising this affirmation to yourself : I forgive myself and set myself free. I seek refuge in Allah’s mercy.

The following is a poem from my new book, The Soul Speaks:

Forgive

Even when it hurts

Even when you know you were right

Even when the acts committed against you were heinous

Forgive

Not because you condone those acts

Not because you are doing someone a favour

Forgive

Because you are hurting

Because you know you are right

Because it is now time to heal

Because someone else’s acts have weighed you down for far too long

Forgive

Unburden, release, let go

Forgive

And

Heal