Love in marriage

Love is an intense affection towards husband and wife in marriage. Love is Allah’s creation, and not man-made. It is a divine gift from Allah for the happiness in marriage. Holy Quran describes:

“And He (Allah) has placed love and mercy between your (hearts)” [Quran 30:21]

Duty in marriage

Duty is a moral or legal obligation. It is a responsibility in marriage on husband and wife. Duty comes from Allah as well as a guidance for happiness. Allah gifted love as a tool for happiness and added the guidance (Duties) how to use that tool effectively.

For example, a gardener has a special tool gifted to him, and he needs the instruction of how to use it. For a happy marriage, spouses need the tool and instructions from the Creator, and He has given both. Allah has compared husband and wife as garments for one another in the Holy Quran:

“They (Wives) are your garments, and you (Husbands) are their garments.” [Quran2:187]

In other words, their duty is to protect, comfort, care for one another as garments.

Love or duty for happy marriage?

Is love alone enough for a happy marriage? Or duty is enough for a happy marriage? Some people shared this question with me. I heard arguments about it in married couples.

For example, a spouse says to another spouse, “You don’t love me like before, so what is the point of staying in this marriage that does not make me happy?” Then another spouse answers, “Well, my love is less for you than before, but I do all my duties in marriage to keep our marriage happy?” So, is it love, or duty that makes the marriage happy?

Love and Duty

Love and duty together makes a marriage happy, not love alone or duty alone. The word “or” should be replaced by the word “and.”

For example, from pure water, we cannot separate oxygen from hydrogen because together they make pure water. Similarly, love and duty together are necessary to make a marriage happy.

Love inspires to be dutiful, and duties (Honesty, trustworthiness, truthfulness, kindness, dedication, unselfish support etc) increases love. Duty is the true expression of love in action. Therefore, love and duty are complimentary to one another.

We should remember, the intensity of love and duty may go up and down like the mercury in the thermometer. Take it as an indicator to work harder to increase love and duty.

Marriage is another test from Allah, and maintain happiness in it, and to achieve everlasting happiness in Paradise as a couple, constant efforts are required.

If any time, the couple notice the low rating in love and duty, then they must work together in fixing it. They must fix their shortcomings to reach Paradise for their eternal happiness in marriage. Holy Quran describes:

“They and their wives will be in the (cool) shade of thick trees, resting on thrones (of dignity).” [Quran 36:56]