“Are you ready to be ‘who you are’? Or have we allowed ourselves to ‘be’ because of others? Have we given ‘permission to people to ‘co-sign’ on our lives? Remember. Most people will never give you permission to do what they cannot do or are capable of! Your life should have your signature, no one else’s!”
― Abha Maryada Banerjee


Emotional quotient (EQ) is now regarded as one of the main personality predictor, which assures career and personal life successes. In the present world, it has gained more significance and attention than the intelligence quotient (IQ).

EQ deals with various components like self-awareness, social responses and assessment of others facial expressions along with a prediction of emotional outcome of oneself and others in any given situation.

From the perspective of self-awareness, which includes knowledge of an ideal self and a real self; can open a new dimension with respect to EQ. Self-awareness deals with thorough consideration of innate capabilities, inadequacies, purpose of living and ambitions. The depth of self-awareness (real self-to-ideal self proximity) provides an experience of self-validation and reassurance.

On the other hand, poor self-awareness does not provide the same experience and results in impaired formation of self-boundary.

A person with minimal self-awareness would have greater problems in keeping relationship ties because he or she is more liable to cross boundaries or let others run over him or her from time to time.

For example, at a professional level, if a manager is mindful of  his status, self and situation then it would be easier for him to follow an instructed task. On contrary to this, if a person has poor recognition of his or her responsibility, status and self (like having inflated or deflated self-esteem) then it would be difficult for him/her to adjust with the (necessary and additional) demands.

In both scenarios, one can see that there is a big gap between a true self and an ideal self. This gap is secondary to either:

  1. Ignorance (away from a real self) or
  2. Over-indulgence in an ideal self

The conflicts, which would occur as a sequel of these (implicit) dynamics, can endanger job, life, relationships and occupation. The proper demarcation of a real self to ideal self-boundary can be attained by certain lifestyle measures like:

  1. Experiencing loneliness (isolation facilitates a self-talk which eventually determine our thinking-at-default)
  2. self-introspection or reflection
  3. Spiritual connection with a transcending force of the world,
  4. hobbies,
  5. spending time with friends and companions (relationships offer a mirror where you can see and identify yourself as a person)
  6. reading books


The chemistry of a real self to ideal self needs to be understood in order to acquire EQ skills. EQ helps in acknowledging self-boundary which assist oneself in coping with stressor/situation of life in different backgrounds.

EQ introduces flexibility in attitudes by cohesively joining the two ends together (real self and ideal self) by understanding the social situation and its requirements, adversities and outcomes.  EQ skills promise a favorable outcome. The reality check of any event modifies our behavior accordingly.

On the other hand, the insensitive approach can prove to be counter-productive and a cause of failures in a long run. The groundbreaking book on EQ “Working with Emotional Intelligence” by Daniel Goleman offers a great insight on the subject. He comments on one place:

“Emotional intelligence does not mean merely “being nice”. At strategic moment it may demand not “being nice”, but rather, for example, bluntly confronting someone with an uncomfortable but consequential truth they’ve been avoiding.”