In this day and age of alarming rates of divorce and attitudes of replacing what is damaged instead of fixing it, we find many people unaware of the most powerful contributors for healthy and fit marriages.
What follows are penetrating insights that every spouse must be consistently conscious of, that would lead to the success and longevity of a marriage.
Make Allah a Priority In Your Lives
Allah is the turner of hearts and He is the one who inspires and guides to what produces the best outcomes.
When husband and wife love Allah and His Messenger Muhammad (s) more than they love each other, Allah increases the love between one another.
The relationship between spouses is compromised when the relationship between a spouse and Allah is compromised. Several verses throughout the Quran make it crystal clear that when Allah is a priority in your life that He will inspire and guide you to ease.
On the other hand, He reminds us that most of what is unfavorable happens to us mostly due to our own wrongs. The pathway to ultimate success in this life and the next is to ensure the rights of Allah are being fulfilled.
Know and Fulfill the Rights of Your Spouse
From the wisdom of The Legislator, Allah, is that He has gave laws outlining duties of husband and wife that have been legislated to be adhered to and not ignored or challenged.
Knowing the rights of your spouse and implementing them is key to a thriving marriage. It’s not in your best interest to challenge the injunctions laid out by Allah and His Messenger or try and justify a wrong decision or action. There is no shortage of resources that outline the rights of spouses that are legislated from the One who knows what is best for us.
Communicate in the Languages of Love
You may be doing many things for your spouse, but are you talking in the languages they understand best and that make them feel comfortable, cherished and appreciated.
It’s important to listen to what means the world to your spouse and then ensure you are regularly doing those things that mean a lot to them. From amongst the most powerful languages of love are words whereby you acknowledge the love you have for your other half, offering reassuring words of love, affirmation and compliments.
Another language is the exchange of gifts. A third language is spending quality time with one another on a weekly basis. Date nights once a week are especially conducive towards are an enriched marriage. A fourth language is being gentle and sensitive in all your interactions. Being at the service of your family is another strong language of love.
Consistently Contribute to Your Spouse’s Expectations and Needs
Your spouse is not, and will never be perfect. If you keep on looking for a spotless spouse, you may end up finding yourself spouseless. Avoid unnecessary disappointment by lowering your expectations.
Listen to what are the needs of your spouse in terms of spiritual, physical, mental, and emotional needs. Next, ask your husband or wife how you can assist in fulfilling their needs. Once informed, proceed to take massive action towards all that will make them happy and fulfilled. Learn about each other’s weaknesses and insecurities and be sure to never belittle or down play them.
Be Informed about Your Differences
Allah says: “And the male is not like the female.” This means that a man and woman are different. Different does not mean that one gender is superior to another. What it means is that we are different in many ways, and that these differences in strengths and abilities will allow us to complete one another in this journey of life.
Explore each other differences and appreciate them instead of challenging them and you will enjoy your partner for who they are. There are many books that impart insights into gender differences and expectations that will allow you to not only understand your spouse but that will also allow you to understand your own behaviors.
Don’t Allow Problems to Reach Boiling Point
Part of the success of a marriage is to be prepared for the ups and downs that couples may inevitably find themselves in. Simply being prepared that there may be challenging moments means that you have already won half of the battle.
When problems do arise, do ensure you address the problem at the right time, manner, and in the right tone. Whatever you do, do not resist to talk about a problem that is makes you feel uneasy.
Once you resist to speak about an ongoing problem, this resistance may well lead to resentment. Resentment may build up and then lead to you rejecting the advances of your spouse until this build-up of rejection leads to repression of feelings that make you feel you are absent from a relationship you are present in.
In the event your spouse ignores those matters that give you stress and anxiety and that impact your emotional health, you must speak to a professional (marriage counsellor, experienced sheikh in marital issues or psychologist) who will direct you to the best course of action.
Many uncooperative spouses get away with ignoring their spouse’s issues because they know that their partner will not do much about their grievance or that they will get over it in time.
Don’t allow your problems to reach boiling point and get help as soon as possible otherwise you are partly to blame for the state you find yourself in.