Much of a person’s happiness or grief after Marriage will most likely result from their marriage.
Some statistics I found a few years ago stated that Australians spend three billion dollars a year getting married and six billion per year on divorce related costs.
Everyone owes it to their future self to be in a healthy, productive, no-toxic marriage, and this simply begins before getting married by making the right choices for themselves and their offsprings.
Prophet Muhammad (s) said: “Make a good choice for your offsprings. Find those who are compatible, and get married to them.” (Hadith: Ibn Maajah).
Compatibility includes having shared vision, beliefs, standards, values and interests. The ideal spouse is someone who you feel you can be yourself around them, someone that will be one of your greatest sources of strength.
That special someone must be able to contribute to your physical, spiritual and emotional needs. Your potential spouse must be made aware of your expectations, and this must be well defined.
Compatibility and failed expectations are amongst the top 10 reasons why Muslims end up in divorce.
Be sure to compile a list of questions to ask your potential spouse, identifying in no uncertain terms what you want, otherwise you may run the risk of getting what you don’t want.
Another question to ask yourself is, if this person you are thinking of marrying is someone you can honestly say you would like your children to turn out like?
From amongst the major causes that lead to divorce is family interference. Family interference is ranked number five in divorce statics gathered from Muslim communities around the world.
Countless cases point towards marriage toxicity when a couple end up living with their in-laws.
In light of these unhealthy experiences, living with in-laws, and especially in the case of living with the parents of the husband, should be avoided at all costs.
Having said this, there may be cases that warrant living with in-laws. Be sure to ask the questions about living arrangements and how much family involvement will family members play in your future lives together.
Another key contributor to be mindful of when selecting a spouse is to ensure that there is attraction towards the potential spouse. There have been many cases of divorce where despite being compatible, one spouse may have not been attracted to their partner. Research reveals that in most cases, chemistry between couples is something that may not by manipulated.
Once a person has ensured compatibility and attraction, the next step is to pray two rakaah of prayer and supplicate to Allah by virtue of the Dua of Divine Intervention – Istikhaarah.
This prayer and supplication is found in the book ‘Fortress of the Muslim’ or online.