I was at a party where I only knew the host, and while she was busy doing her party duties such as making sure there was enough food, I realised I had to talk to someone I didn’t know. I dislike small talk as it doesn’t give you an idea of who someone is, just their occupation and cultural background.
So I turned to the person next to me, Alex, and I initiated a discussion on the concept of trust and being guarded.
It did not take long to realise that we had polar views on the matter. You see, Alex was one of those people who believe in trusting everyone, being open to the world, and the rest of that hippie mantra.
I was not like that. I said that trusting people in this society meant emotional suicide, you leave yourself open to have thoughts and feelings that are close to you prematurely judged, or worse, used-for-throwback-evil intent (using something you’ve confided against you later).
Alex said “When people see that you trust them, they would take that sincerely”. And that’s when I realised that perhaps our personal experiences were so starkly different.
In my experience with others, once a friendship dies, one or even both of the ex-friends would spit out vile personal secrets about each other.
It got to the point where I’d have to say – Don’t tell me this. This is awful. There’s a difference in using a story of a (ex)friend’s experience to explain how you feel/think, and then just plain backbiting.
People, generally, are interchangeable. I think we all know this, but no one ever wants to admit it because its terribly depressing. Your friends are interchangeable – they’ll come and go in your life.
It doesn’t matter who the people are, you’ll be happy/sad as people come and go. Aside from family, and someone you marry (in most circumstances), your relationship with everyone else holds no kind of commitment.
Now Alex believes that we should be open with our feelings and trust everyone, regardless how close we are with them, and just hope for the best that they don’t use it against us – which I thought was unbelievably foolish.
If you’re going to open up to someone, they need to make you feel secure, loved, like they care and are really sincere. Most people don’t go to that much effort.
Having said that though, being a guarded person, it means that you internalize all your feelings and it can affect your mental state.
There is something liberating about that kind of thinking. Making people jump through hoops to achieve your trust is exhausting. But at the risk of feeling betrayed, is it really worth it?
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