First off let me just say that I truly believe that only God can judge a person’s soul. Neither their family, nor friends nor society nor the legal system.
You don’t know what’s in someone’s heart or mind. You don’t know what their intentions are and you don’t know where they are at, in their life. So take that as a disclaimer to this blog post and don’t send me emails/private messages telling me that I can’t judge people. Because I can and I will without feeling guilty and I’m about to tell you why.
Okay so right now, I’m guessing you probably disagree with me, right? That I shouldn’t be judging people? If you find yourself nodding, then alright let’s see if I can get you to agree with me by the end of this post. The word ‘judge’ has such a negative connotation when really, all it is, is to evaluate something to determine an appropriate response. When I say the word ‘judge’, I don’t mean being critical, I mean forming an opinion about someone. After all, isn’t that we all do for anything? If we’re crossing a road with no lights, we have to make a judgement on whether to cross or not – we judge the speed of the car and how long it will take to get to where you are. We make a judgement in ORDER to determine an appropriate response to ensure our own safety. Why can’t this car analogy be APPLIED to interpersonal relationships? We make judgements on people based upon their behaviour in order to determine the appropriate response and ensure our safety.
Life is short and we preserve our time to spend with people we like – so we’re constantly making instinctive reactions to preserve our safety and happiness. That’s how we determine who we like and connect with and who we don’t like and don’t connect with. We judge people (yes, I said ‘we’, this means you) based upon some of the following things (depends upon your preference, experience etc): how long we’ve known them, how attractive they are, what they’re wearing, how they react to certain things and how they make you feel. Deny it all you want, but it’s true. We judge people based upon their words and actions in order to determine whether we want to be around them or not.
I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but the first type of judgement, is to judge someone’s soul – to make an absolute judgement on who they are as a person. Now I don’t think anyone can do that except God. But humans, do judge people based on who they are right now, based on what they see and their instincts. And that’s okay. But rather than judging them absolutely, you judge them on that specific behaviour.
For example, friend A was cheating on her husband with his best friend. Friend A told Friend B. When Friend B said “What? Are you serious? How could you do that to him? That is wrong. If you want to leave your husband, then deal with that first.”, Friend A said “Stop Judging me! How dare you judge me”.
Our behaviour and actions are there to be judged by our friends and loved ones. This is how we know that the people around us care enough, to pull us to one side and say “hey I care about you, what you’re doing is wrong. I know you’re a good person.” Obviously it’s got to be done in the right way. It’s okay to judge someone if they are being immoral or unethical because you’re worried as to how it will affect you. If your friend is lying to others, the chances of you being lied to are extremely high.
If you find that your friend is talking behind someone’s back or not keeping someone’s secret (gossiping), chances are they’ll do the same to you.
So of course your instincts are going to tell you to cut and run if you don’t like the moral choices of your friend. We seek people who have similar values and principles as us. Well I don’t know if that’s something everyone does, but I do. I mean idealistically people say “oh you can’t judge others.” – But everyone does! It’s part of our nature to have an opinion on what others do.
Do I sound harsh?
Do you still disagree?
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